Saturday, November 23, 2013

Enoughness

For the second time this year, yesterday I jettisoned plans to be out of town for a few days.  This time it would have been San Francisco in early January.  Last time it was Eugene, Oregon in October of this year.

Sometimes I get excited about the possibility of going somewhere, to an art retreat or visiting a place I haven't been in eons, and I'll actually make plans and reservations.  But as the event gets closer, I begin to find reasons not to go...and I'll cancel.  The reasons are always valid, even though I still could go if I wanted to.  But the bottom line is that I realize that I don't really want to do these things as much as I thought I might, at first.  It's really not that important to me at the end of the day.

See, the thing is, there really isn't anywhere I want or need to go.  There isn't anything I want or need to have badly enough to travel anywhere to get it ~ no thing, no experience, no bucket list.  I'd much rather be home, in my cozy nest, with my cat and my art supplies, my comfy bed, my daily round.

I think this is about having a lack of desire.  Not as a lack of passion, but as an absence of that sense of grasping at or striving to have anything other than what I already do have.  My internal critic wants to make this a bad thing, like I'm not participating enough in life...but I won't let it.  It's a good thing, to be satisfied, to feel fulfilled, to have nothing I have to have, nothing I'm highly desirous of enough to impel myself to try to get it.

I think this is an enlightened place to be.  I'm not claiming to be enlightened per se, but I'm happy to be in this place.  It's a blessing, to feel that you have enough.  If I ever do want something badly enough, then I'll get it.  Otherwise, I'm grateful to exist in this place of enoughness, where life is the way it is and I'm comfortable with it. 

4 comments:

  1. I know what you mean. I often dream of this or that, but then when I look closely, I realize I don't really want to spend the money or time or deal with the logistics. Home is where I like to be and I've had a lifetime already of going places and experiencing things. The exception might be - a special exhibit, and I DO mean SPECIAL, or an opportunity to spend time with a person I don't get the chance to see often, someone who adds to me, buoys me up, offers surprises or opens my eyes to new things or a shifting perception. These are worth traveling for, and it is even better when they travel to me!

    This is good that you are content. I have just stumbled upon a very freeing concept that initially I thought kind of negative - much as your lack of desire sounds negative. It is the acceptance that I am sufficient as I am, no need to add to that. I have the skills I need to tackle whatever confronts me in my art - which is where this conversation with myself started. Sufficient sounds like giving up in our society of always having to better yourself. It's just sufficient, you should be more. But sufficient is actually the opposite of inadequate. With inadequate, I don't even want to try. With sufficient, I can get going, and I can build on it, although I don't have to.

    So yes, it is a blessing to feel that you have enough. It is a blessing to realize that you are sufficient.

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  2. But sometimes you have to take on the challenge and make yourself be in a different environment just to have the experience and the lesson you can learn about it. Also, everything that is different from our daily existence is a possible memory that we can look back on with pleasure. Even if it turns out quite different than we had anticipated.

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  3. I totally agree with you on this, Connie! I have never been a big traveler, but as I have grown older, it is just too much stress to deal with all the logistics. I do take an occasional day trip with a friend, down to Phoenix or Prescott or Sedona, but that's a fun outing... we both love the fabric stores, and it's a break from our normal routine. But other than that, I'm very happy to stay in my nest, enjoying a nice routine of creating, a little puttering around the place, and the regular trips to town for supplies. Let's enjoy!

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  4. And also, perhaps you have created the environment that really suits you? I'm glad I found this blog again, as I lost it sometime around when I moved to Feedly, and I didn't think to go check your blogger profile until yesterday. Duh! I'm glad you're still blogging here, too.

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